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Ask Alexa: I'm scared of being a submissive straight male.


I'm scared of being a submissive straight male. I've been judged several times because of it and don't know how to tell girls with what I like. I like dominant women and feel weird about it. I'm not the typical alpha male. Can you help me navigate this?


Scared Sub

man wearing a black shirt, stripped underwear and with his tattoed arms handcuffed behind his back

Dear Scared Sub,

First of all, let me assure you that there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a submissive straight male or having a preference for dominant women. Sexual preferences and dynamics come in all shapes and sizes, and there's no one-size-fits-all when it comes to human sexuality.

It's unfortunate that you've faced judgment for your desires, but it's important to remember that societal norms and expectations often fail to capture the full spectrum of human sexuality. It's perfectly okay to deviate from the so-called "alpha male" stereotype. In fact, embracing your true desires and being authentic to yourself is an incredibly brave and empowering thing to do. There's a reason lots of heterosexual women are obsessed with celebrities like Timothée Chalamet and Harry Styles; two men that embrace their femininity.

When it comes to sharing your preferences with potential partners, communication is key. While it may feel intimidating, opening up about your desires is an essential part of building a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship. Remember, a strong, confident person is one who can express their needs and desires honestly and respectfully.

Here are a few tips to help you navigate this:

  1. Self-acceptance: Embrace your own desires without judgment. Understand that your preferences are valid and unique to you. Acceptance of yourself will give you the confidence to communicate your needs to others.

  2. Educate yourself: Learn more about dominant and submissive dynamics, as well as healthy BDSM practices. This will help you articulate your desires and communicate them effectively with potential partners.

  3. Find like-minded communities: Seek out communities or online spaces where you can connect with others who share similar interests. This can provide support, advice, and a safe space to discuss your experiences openly.

  4. Open communication: When you feel comfortable and trust is established, communicate your desires with your potential partners. Start with gentle conversations, expressing your interests and seeing how they respond. Remember, consent and mutual respect are essential in any sexual relationship.

  5. Patience and understanding: Not everyone will share your preferences, and that's okay. It's important to approach these conversations with an open mind and respect the boundaries and desires of others. Remember that finding a compatible partner takes time, and it's worth waiting for someone who appreciates and embraces your authentic self.

Remember, sexuality is a personal journey, and it's all about finding what brings you pleasure and fulfillment. Don't let societal expectations or judgment hold you back from exploring your desires and finding happiness.

Embrace who you are, Scared Sub, and know that you deserve love and acceptance just as much as anyone else. Stay true to yourself, communicate openly, and you'll find someone who appreciates and celebrates you for exactly who you are.

With support and solidarity,

Alexa x


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