Hi
I just started masturbating last year, from time to time. However, I don’t know how if I really orgasmed or even how to have one. I get wet when I use my bullet and feel this sense of like body shivering? But then I don’t really know if that is it or not. What is this feeling of orgasm really? Also what are your suggestions to “get there”? Thank you!
Emma (she/her)
Hi Emma,
Not knowing if you have had an orgasm is a very common thing, so I don't want you to feel alone in your journey. It's important to note that while orgasms are pretty amazing, they shouldn't be the goal of your sexual encounters. It matters more to have a pleasurable experience in general and enjoy yourself than worry about if you did or did not orgasm. In fact, lots of people end up having a better time when they take the pressure to orgasm off the table.
What is truly important is to know your body and its anatomy. I explain the best ways for vulva owners to achieve orgasms here. That will guide you through your body parts, preparation, kind of stimulation and mindset needed to achieve the big O.
Now, everyone experiences orgasms in different ways and not only that, you could have very contrasting orgasms yourself. Some you could feel only in your vulva, some in your entire body, some might make your legs shake and so on. So a good way to start is to understand that no orgasm feels the same and everyone has a unique experience when it comes to it.
Still, here are signs you can look for that will confirm if it was an orgasm or not:
Pelvic floor contractions: for most people, their pelvic floor contracts around 6-25 times while having an orgasm. It something that can't be controlled, it just happens.
Buildup of tension, followed by a sudden release: this one is key because if you feel like you didn't get any "closure" or your body still feels tense, it might indicate that you didn't orgasm. The tension can be felt in all of your body or just your genitals. Which can make...
You relax: orgasms are so healthy because they release lots of "happy" hormones, boost our immune system and decrease stress levels. It can even help with headaches.
You feel sleepy: this doesn't happen for everyone but orgasms can make you have a better night's sleep. I personally think it's because you are more in the moment, enjoying all the aftermath of the oxytocin and dopamine, that your body feels safe enough to sleep. There might be other reasons but that's my theory. The main thing is, this is a sign you had one.
You skin gets a little red: (a.k.a. flushed) specifically in your face, chest and breasts. I personally do not experience this but so many people do, so keep it in mind!
Your skin gets sensitive: especially if you were focusing on clitoral stimulation, most of the times it can't handle being touched for a few minutes after orgasm. Still, your skin gets more sensitive to touch in general afterwards.
Bottom line is, you don't have to worry too much if it's happening or not, just focus on how you feel and if you're having a good time. But at the same time, don't stop exploring and seeing what your body is capable of :)